Curiosity & The Fight Within
I always had this inner voice telling me I am destined to be successful. Many people have said I am a natural-born leader others called me wise for my young age. In high school, I was apart of my ASB Leadership Team, received several awards for the most influential, Top 10 Senior award, and even became prom queen my senior year. I was raised by a powerhouse businesswoman. My mother was devoted to work and her own success, she is truly an inspiring human. Growing up she would put audiotapes of (Rich Dad Poor Dad) in my car that I would have to listen to every time I drove. I always had books on business & leadership through high school. Mother pushed me to get my first job at 16 years old and I did through my first interview at a local high-end restaurant. I started as a hostess and 3 years later I resigned as Front House, Events & Marketing Manager. I had a massive influence on the community and had a strong relationship with my god.
My mom watched my finances and actions like a hawk, so much that my actions and character showed her through me to my friends. My friends would call me the “mom” of the group. My mom made me strong mentally, physically and eager to strive for greatness… whatever that may be. Though, that chapter of me died shortly after graduating. I attended cosmetology school and about halfway through I was introduced to a site that would change me for the next 10 years.
During cosmetology school, I experienced my first and only heartbreak. This heartbreak lasted over a year and I finally decided I didn’t want to date again but wanted a companion. Someone to travel with, go to the movies, dinner, cuddle, all of the things dating would involved but without the title. I found myself having a conversation with a schoolmate that was 7 years older than me about what I was looking for. She said, “oh, so like an arrangement?” I replied “a what?” She then pulled out her phone and showed me a website. This website was for adults to come together with clear intentions on what one wants from one another. Now, it’s not a “traditional” relationship. Though a relationship should be when two adults come together with clear intentions. Sometimes we get into relationships because we absolutely have no fucking clue what we want. And we believe that having someone else will magically help all your demons, problems & insecurities to go away. An arrangement is well, I will let you decide.
I was indeed curious about this site, but something within me felt like it would be opening a door that I wasn’t prepared for. And damn, I sure wasn’t. See my clear intentions were to find a friend. Someone to go to the movies with or night outs and strictly friends. Every man that I had conversations with on this site, at the end of the day always wanted more… The first man I was introduced to from this site actually viewed my profile as a resume. He asked if we could meet over coffee and talk about an internship. He just started a Fashion Magazine and he was looking for an executive assistant to help get things going. I guess my profile was more professional than I thought lol Nonetheless, It opened a door for me.
While working for this magazine I was introduced to flattering people, dazzled dinners, and parties. On occasion, I’d even model for the magazine. This lasted almost 2 years and by the time I ended my internship, I was also ending work in an elite salon. I had this inner calling for a long time telling me to move and leave Seattle. This inner calling said to me '“there’s something bigger out there for you. Don’t be afraid of change.” So I packed my VW Jetta up with my belongings, and my dog and moved. I was born in Arizona and still had family there so deciding on moving to AZ wasn’t off the wall, I knew I would have help if needed. When I moved there I had been on a few dates with men from the site. Some of these encounters gave me new life, and new insights but my moral value was still fighting. You wouldn’t believe how many of these men were married! I would leave these dinner dates so lost and confused on why… Why, would these men be interested in risking their marriage for a date with me? Obviously, they wanted the date to move on more than conversation and drinks.
I was curious to understand “why” so many married men were on the hunt for arrangements. So I started asking them while on the dates and the responses were not what I’d expected. Some men said they were only married to benefit both families financially, some said they need an escape from constant yelling and lack of communication. That answer was funny to me because they wanted an arrangement with communication but couldn’t get it in their marriage. Just think if we approached all our relationships with an arrangement mindset? Content with what we want from one another. However, still, at the end of the day, my curiosity and the fight within didn’t stop here.